Sensory Mommas Say The Darndest Things


"Dinner is on the table! Except yours, yours is still in the freezer" (where her meals go to be cooled to room temp)


 "Please be careful, she bites. No, not the dog."


 "Don't chew on your sister's toes."


 "Go jump on my bed please!"


 "Feel free to rough house with him.  If that means play body slamming him on the couch, that's fine.  It will help him settle down to take a nap!"


 "Why are you sitting on the bottom shelf in the refrigerator?"


 "Do not lick your sister's butt!"


 "We don't put our heads in the toilet and blow bubbles."


 "Don't lick the car!!"


 "Don't bite the dog!" "Don't lick her either!"


 "I don't care if they're pajamas just please put some pants on so we can leave?"

"We can't sit at the dinner table naked. It's a rule! Put on your boxers so we can say grace."


 "Please?! 5 minutes - no talking... Can you do that?"


 "No.  You cannot have naked day at school."


 "Of course you can get naked and sit in the sink full of water beads!!"


 "Please stop using the litter box. That's for the cats to pee honey not for you to pee." 


 "Please stop sniffing the hand sanitizer"


 "Stop licking me!!!!"


 "Stop sucking on your arm!" 


 "Someone is at the door, get clothes on or stay in your room"


 "Sweetie, please don't bark so loud in the store."


 "You'll eat that booger, but you won't eat what I cook?"


 "The toilet over flowing will not cause us to drown, buddy, I promise."


 "In this house, we will not 'think' to each other.  We will use words!"


 "Yes; the dog poops in the backyard, but that doesn't mean you do."

"Your tag is itching you again? You mean the one I cut off that shirt months ago?"


 "Please stop licking the conveyor belt."


 "Don't lick the Legos. 


 "We don't sniff kitties, we pet them."


 "No, I will not leave the windows down while I pump gas."


 "Ewww don't put that in your mouth!  Oh never mind, go ahead."


 "Son, please don't lick the chickens. They do not like it, I promise." 


 "Are you smelling me again?"


 "Stop licking the window."


 "Quit chewing on your toes! There's nothing wrong with your toenails.  Honey, you hardly HAVE any toenails left!"


 "I don't care if you are hot, it is -18 outside you are NOT putting your window down so your tongue can have some fresh air!"


 "Bean dip does not go all over your body."


 "The phone book is not for eating!"


 "Stop banging your head!"


 "Let's just get him a tablet so we can shop in peace!"

"Do you need mommy to give you squishes?" (Squishes referring to joint compressions)


 "Mommy is not a chew toy!"


 "Just press down on her head. It calms her."


 "We can't play in the snow naked. Come in and put some clothes on please." 


 "Quit dancing in front of the window. The neighbors don't want to see you naked!"


 "The water will not melt your face off; I promise"


 "Get off the top of the fridge; go climb the walls."


 "You're wearing flip flops in the snow?"


 "Don't put lipstick on the Guinea Pig, it doesn't match the nail polish she has on!"


 "Stop hanging upside down from your closet rack! It's not made to hold your weight!"


 "Your poop is not paint and even if it was, you should not be painting your bedroom with it!"


 "The celery stalk doesn't go up your nose."


 "We may have to sit on him to calm him down."


 "I'm sorry I didn't hug you exactly to your specifications, I'll try harder next time."


 "Your trampoline is right next to the couch. Try jumping on that instead of Mommy's couch." 


 "Just wear it for a minute and it'll get more comfortable the longer you wear it."

"Don't stroke that stranger's shirt. Yes, I know it's so soft." 


 "Stop spinning!"


 "Yes, I heard you say that 10,000 times now."


 "Come here right now and let me sit on you!"


 "I'm sorry, we can't have our play date today, she's refusing to put on pants."


 "Why are you petting me?"


 "No, you cannot lick your bus driver's face! I don't care if he has fur; you don't lick people!"


 "You have to wear pants in public! Underwear and rain boots is not enough."


 "No! Don't eat the paint."


 "Did you use all of my Chapstick again?"


 "Yes, I will smell your basketball."


 "No, you can't put your hand in the piranha tank."


 "We don't tickle eyeballs."


 "Did you use all the shaving cream in the bath again?"


 "We don't smell our friends' butts."

"Just rub that soft blanket on her face; I promise she will stop screaming."


 "Let's just buy the next 2 sizes so we are set for a while."


 "The walk in shower is for showering in, not the toilet for peeing."
 "I wish he would get his hands dirty."


 "Please stop bumping things with your head."


 "Get the cat out of your mouth."


 "Don't drink the body wash."  


 "Stop eating the couch!"


 "I think you're too hyper. Go spin in the backyard."


 "No, son, you cannot strip down naked in a public bathroom to poop."


 "Yes, you can either jump on the couch or hang your head over it upside down." 


 "No, you may not lick other people's tongues."


 "Yes; I will kiss your foot if you try this new food." 


 "Here's the "chew toy" my son likes to use."

"Dress down day at school... "No that doesn't mean you can get away not wearing your underwear."


 "No you cannot bite my toenails. Uh, that goes for your brother's also." 


 "It's okay to play in the dirt; please play with it."


 "People are friends, not food."


 "Get the remote control out of your mouth."


 "Don't sniff that guy! You don't even know him!"


 "Don't chew on the wires of your headphones."


 "No, I will not smell your eyeballs."


 "Oh, you want to play flour again? Sure. That will buy us ten minutes of peace and 20 minutes of cleanup."


 "You're still naked!"


 "Stop eating your hair."


 "Stop picking off your skin."


 "Stop chewing holes in your shirt!"


 "Before you jump off the back of the couch, let me put your helmet on."

"Do not ever again splash your hand in the water on the bathroom counter in a public restroom and then lick your hand. Ever!"


 "Please stop smelling Daddy's armpit."


 "Please go over there and spin in circles for a minute."


 "Go lay on the bench (in the mall) and hang your head upside down."


 "Good boy for not playing with your poop this time."


 "Stop chewing on the power cord."


 "Use your fork, not your hands."


 "Go walk up the wall!"


 "Yes, you can wear a costume to school."


 "You're not Superman; please stop jumping off of the book shelves!"


 "Don't use a straw to make bubbles in the toilet please!" 


 "Stop barking at the dog!"


 "Please stop humping things." 


 "Eww! Please stop wiping your poop on me!"


 "Stop sniffing your hands."


 "Fine, just brush your teeth without toothpaste."

"I know it's -20C but I'm letting my son wear shorts to school."


 "He can't possibly have more paper stuffed up that nose!"


 "You can't jump in the trampoline in our backyard in just your underwear, please come and put on at least a shirt."


 "Get over here and put your diaper back on; quit rubbing your naked butt on my carpet."


 "I don't care if you play with your food if you are eating it."


 "Stop playing with your wee wee." 


 "Why is there a shoe in the refrigerator?"


 "We don't drop our pants while crossing the street."


 "Do not sit on the cat."


 "You aren't bleeding so you aren't going to bleed to death."


 "Stop eating your chair bag."


 "You cannot hug strangers"