Sensory Kiddos Get Literal
1. The first time going to church after his baby brother was born, the Associate Pastor's wife asked my (then 5 year old) grandson if he was getting up during the night to feed the baby. Without skipping a beat he replied, "Oh no, I don't have breasts to feed him with."
2. I called him "Mister Literal" and he yelled, "THAT'S NOT MY NAME!"
3. On an airplane looking out the window: WHY ARE WE LEAVING EARTH AND WHAT PLANET ARE WE GOING TOO???
4. My daughter got Justin Bieber perfume, our son smelled it, and said, "That's what Justin Bieber smells like!?!?!?"
5. The pediatrician told my stepson he needed to lose some weight, to cut out the fat and sugar, poor kid thought the doctor was going to operate!
6. I told him once that, "It's in your genes." He looked down at his pants and said, "No, that's my leg."
7. I told my 16 year old son to bend over and remove the stick out of his butt. My 6 year old ASD son walks behind his brother and looks at his brother's bottom.
8. He told me his teacher had a baby, so I asked what she had he replied, "A baby."
9. I have taught my kids to say "thank you that was delicious" when they finish their dinner. One night my son said, "thank you" only. I jokingly said, "Where's my 'that was delicious'?" He looked at me and said, "but it was awful."
10. I said son of a gun and my son says, "I'm not the son of a highly dangerous weapon."
11. I asked my daughter what her quiz was going to be on. She said, "Paper."
12. Not sure what the funniest thing is, because he says so many. The MOST COMMON is I say, "It is 9:00. Time for bed." He says, "It is only 8:58."
13. When I told him "I'd always be in his heart" and he said, "Am I gonna eat you?!" all worried.
14. We were in the car listening to Christian music. One of the song's chorus lyrics were "my God, my God". My son says, "That guy singing this song is really selfish. God is not just his God. Why does he keep saying 'MY God'?"
15. My son came home from school and told me, "Mom, tomorrow is make-up picture day, but you don't have to wear make-up."
16. "It should be five-teen, like sixteen & seventeen. You know, five, six, seven...The way you say it doesn't make sense."
17. My husband and I had tried to keep a surprise from my son, but he figured it out. My husband replied, "Well, the cats out of the bag." Our son replied, "We don't put cats in bags, that's not nice!"
18. "Which corner?" Her response when we told her an event was right around the corner.
19. At the store I told my daughter we were going to get the rest of the groceries then hop across the street real quick to get some lunch. She replied frantically, "I don't think I can hop fast enough to cross the street before a car hits me!"
20. "Can you please throw me that box"...He threw the box.
21. I told my son, "Watch your head Fred" as he was about to hit his head. He said to me, "I'm not Fred. I'm Luke."
22. When learning about First Communion, he thought Jesus was actually made of bread.
23. Recently, my 7 years old asked me, "Mom, do I really have a bug in my stomach?" When she had the stomach virus.
24. The first time my daughter chewed gum... after a while I asked her to spit it out, she looked at me very confused, then literally spit it across the table...
25. I was explaining that I was bringing a side dish to a luncheon and he told me that we don't eat dishes.
26. I was telling him it was the season fall outside and he said, "but I don't want to fall outside!"
27. My mother pointed to a picture of 2 wolves yesterday and said, "When I was a little girl I stroked one of those." My daughter said, "Which one?!"
28. I told my, then 3 year old SPD, son (after a very trying afternoon) to 'stop pushing my buttons'. He stopped what he was doing, looked me up and down and said, "but you're not wearing any buttons!"
29. He is 5 and came up to me with a bloody nose and said, "I'm broken, my blood is falling out"
30. My son was about 4 yrs old and I woke up sick. I said, "I feel like I've been hit by a truck." He came over examined me and said very calmly, "Nope, there are no tire tracks."
31. Yeah, never tell your kid you're just "dying" to do something. Luckily, I caught it about an hour later and explained.
32. The teacher told him to stop talking while standing in line at school.....He told me he wasn't talking. He was communicating. Talking is when only one person is talking and communicating includes two people....so he wasn't talking!
33. My son had a friend named Cole. We have trains that we drive by carrying coal. I told him one day, look at the coal in the train! He was sobbing because he was worried about his friend on the train.
34. The school principal is a liar, because she said her door is always open and I passed her office and the door was closed.
35. My husband told my daughter to close her mouth while she eats. Minutes later she is still staring at her plate. We had to explain that she could open her mouth to put food in it and then put her lips together while she chewed. Unfortunately, we did not explain that it was possible to breathe through your nose while your mouth is shut......
36. I asked [my son] to name a dish you make with pasta. My son told me a bowl.
37. He lost his tooth, his sister noticed, and looked at me and asked, "He lost his tooth?" and he said, "No, it's in a bag."
38. My daughter Jade (5) was rocking in a toy rocking boat and said, "I'm sailing the 7 seas." My niece Haley (10), "Can you even name the 7 seas?" Jade, "No. They are already named."
39. I was tidying up and handed my daughter a cup and asked her throw it in the sink for me, so from where she stood she launched it across the room into the sink and it shattered into a million pieces.
40. My daughter dropped on the ground and started rolling one day when we were walking out the door. My husband had said, "let's roll."
41. My brother asked my son if he wanted a knuckle sandwich. My son replied yes and was upset when he could not actually have one.
42. He asked someone what something was. She responded a pool table. He said, "How do I swim on that?"
43. When I try to talk to him about God....I tell him we need to thank God for our food, he replies, "Mom you bought it and made it." I try to elaborate with no luck.
44. I had said I was going to run by the store. My daughter said, "If you run by how are we going to get the food we need? Don't we need to stop and go in?"
45. In 1st grade the teacher told my son to sit and do his work. He had to go to the bathroom, but wouldn't ask, because she said to do your work. He wet his pants several times that year.
46. She was asking a question and I said, "We will cross that bridge when we get there." Her answer, "What bridge? Are we going somewhere?" We were at home at the time.
47. Me: It's time to get dressed.
My son: but I don't want to wear a dress. I'm a boy I wear pants.
48. My nonverbal sons were ANGRY when I told them to "hold their horses" and I didn't have any horses for them to hold.
49. I asked my 10 yr old boy to vacuum the lounge, so he did the loung chair. Then [he] told me it was the wiediest request I had ever asked.
50. I told my son to pick up the pace and a minute later I heard crying. He was on the ground frantically trying to find "the pace".
51. My daughter's teacher told her class that she had 'lost her grandmother'. My daughter came home the following day when her teacher was away and told me she must have been looking for her grandmother
52. I had a splitting headache and my 4 year old was being super loud. I asked her to lower her voice or my head would explode. She started crying hysterically, because she didn't want mama to die.
53. I asked my daughter if she was a human being and she said, "No momma, I'm just a Kieyah."
54. I asked my 9 year old if his eyes were bigger than his stomach. He told me that wasn't possible.
55. Me: "I sat on the phone all afternoon."
Her: "Mum, why did you sit on your phone?"
56. [While] at [the] ear doctors the doctor was removing wax out of my daughter's ear. The doc said, "It's so creamy and easy to get out. You have peanut butter in your ear!" My daughter flipped out and wouldn't let her finish the procedure. Every time we talk about going back to get her ears checked, she says, "but I don't have peanut butter in my ears!"
57. I remember an incident as a kid when my brother answered the phone and someone asked, "Is your mom there?" He said, "No" and hung up. My mom gets out of the bathroom and said, "Who was that? What did they want?" He said, "They wanted to know if you were there, but you're not. You're here."
58. My 5yr old son is home on winter break from upk. His 2 yr old sister had her early intervention teacher at the house. The teacher told my son, "You look just like your daddy." My son who takes everything literal tells her, "No I'm not. My dad has a big wee wee and I have a little one. See," and then drops his pants to show her.
59. The phrase "button nose" tripped my then 4 year old up. He thought it meant someone's nose actually buttoned closed.
60. My son was always getting into trouble for talking in the hall at school. [I] went to pick him up one day and he was so excited. [He]told me [that] he didn't get in trouble that day for doing that. I asked him what he got in trouble for? He said, "For whispering, but they NEVER said I couldn't whisper!"
61. I told my son his shoes were on the wrong feet and he said, "but whose feet do they go on then mommy?"
62. My ASD was asked to count 1 [to] 10. So he did...1 2 10.
63. I said, "It's raining buckets." He looked outside confused.
64. One time I told my son to say "Hi to everybody" and so he thought that 'Everybody' was someone's name.
65. My son was being so hyper at preschool and in a fun way this other parent told him you need to calm down or you will be kicked out of class!!! My son opened his eyes [wide] and asked me if his teacher was that strong to kick him that far (out the classroom)?
66. My 8 year old son was talking about shooting stars and I said, "What do you do if you see one? " and he [said], "Run as fast as you can."
67. I asked my son to hold his sleeve while I put his coat on. He stood there holding his sleeve with his other hand and asked me "Why?"
68. A member of [the] staff at playgroup asked my 3 yr old if he had 'ants in his pants', as he was struggling to sit still through lunch. He got up, pulled down [his] pants, and showed her his butt to see where the ants were.
69. Me: Thank you for waking the babies up after I asked you to play quietly.
Child: Why are you thanking me for waking them up? I thought you wanted them to sleep?
70. The nurse told my son to hop up on the scale, so they could weigh him. He gave her a funny look and said, "Well ok", then proceeded to hop across the room and onto the scale.
71. I tell our 7 year old son to take his toys upstairs, meaning to his room. I go upstairs to find them all lined up on the top step!
72. [Parent] "How did you sleep?"
[Child] "On my bed. With a pillow."
73. I told him we have to pick up his sister from school and he said, "but she is too heavy."
74. My son, will be 9, is adopted, so I told him he didn't grow in my belly, but in my heart. To which he said, "Did that hurt?"
75. My son got hysterical when he overheard me tell someone that my husband was "tied up at the office".
76. My son passed a "goodyear" sign at a tire store and said, "it is a good year!!"
77. We took my son to the cemetery to put flowers on my partner's father's grave. When we arrived my son asked, "Who are the flowers for?" I replied, "For Sue's Daddy." At the top of his voice he says, "Don't be silly Mommy!!!!! What does he need flowers for you said he was dead!!"
78. "Where did you bang your head son?" Points to the obvious bump on [his] forehead, "There!" Obviously, I meant where did it happen!
79. My 5 yr old son was enjoying the dessert table a little too much at the church potluck. I told him not to get out of his seat to go back to the desserts again. So he holds onto his chair, shoves, and scoots himself back to the dessert table again! But, he never left his seat!
80. When my youngest daughter was about 5, she was looking at her New Testament Bible and realized that it didn't have Jesus' words in red. She saw my Bible did. She brought her Bible to me and said, "How come Jesus is talking to you, but he is not talking to me?!" I was amazed!
81. My son, while at a training session with [a] jr. cardiologist, was sitting there having a dr. listen to his heart. The man said to his trainer that he couldn't hear anything. So my son piped up and told him he should have a hearing test.
82. The doctor asked him if he felt like he was 'in the hot seat' being asked all those questions. Steven got up looked at the chair he was sitting in and asked how the seat gets hot? He said it didn't feel hot to him.
83. I once said, "Hurry up Sam, pull your socks up!" and when I turned around he was pulling his socks up as far as he could.
84. My daughter was 5, I was so tired of hearing "mom, mommy, ma, mom, mother, mom" ALL day long! So I said that I was going to change my name and not tell anyone what my new name was. She cried for HOURS! She was afraid that she wouldn't be able to talk to me ever again.
85. My son is literal he gets some jokes but not all....One time his dad said, "I'm so hungry I could eat the cat." So my son spent the next 48 hours watching the cat and his dad to make sure he didn't eat the cat.
86. [The] teacher told him off for 'talking back' and he couldn't wrap his head around the fact he wasn't allowed to do this, because how would he ever be able [to] 'answer a question' or have a conversation if he wasn't allowed to talk back to the other person!!
87. My sister learned her lesson on being careful [with] what you say to my son. When she asked him to help pack the groceries in the car she said, "Come on let's chuck the shopping in the car." He started by 'chucking' a pint of strawberries, which went all over the inside of her car.
88. My son, 6 at the time, was sitting on the floor coloring a worksheet. His dad looks at what he's doing and says, "Wow you are really flying through that!" My son says, "Dad I'm not flying! I'm sitting on the floor coloring."
89. This is going to be a piece of cake.... Him: "Where's the cake?"
90. My little prep boys teacher told the class about what to bring for show and tell, saying a shell from a holiday would be a good thing to bring. Today was my little boys turn to bring something. I couldn't convince him to take anything, because "we haven't been on a holiday to get a shell". His teacher said today [that] it could be a book or something else just not a toy. He told me it has to be a book.
91. My son is very literal. One time I asked him where he got the shirt he was wearing (I hadn't seen it before) and he said, "from the closet."
92. We were meeting with a contractor about "beefing" up the trim on our house. Our 9 year old began to cry, because our house would be ugly and we would get flies from beef hanging on the house.
93. I tell my daughter, "You are one smart cookie," and she replies, "Mom, I am not a cookie."
94. My mother-in-law couldn't get my son out of his car seat, because the strap wouldn't unbuckle. She told him to hold on while she got scissors "to cut him out". He looked at his brother and said, "I'm thinking [I'm] going to die." Poor baby! She had to explain that she was going to cut the strap, not him.
95. My son does not like to be called by nicknames. I said, "Come here monkey," one time and he looked me square in the eye and with all seriousness said, " I am not a monkey, I am a little boy."
96. When we used the "Santa might just have to bring you coal" threat, he said "at least we can drive a train."
97. I told my 5 yr old I love her to the moon and back! She replied, "Mom, I love you to the moon and back too, but that's only about 6 days of love. Mom, how about we just say we love each other times infinity!"
98. My son wrote inside a story book. I said, "Lovely writing, but we don't write in books." He just looked at me like I was dumb and said, "Then how does the story get in there in the first place?! That's the craziest thing you've ever said mum," and walked off. I was left feeling foolish!!
99. I told my son he needed to let the dog in, because he was the oldest child. He corrected me, because I am my mother's child, so I am a child and older than him, so I needed to let the dog in... This is my everyday with this kid.
100. My husband made the biggest mistake, a while back, with not only my daughter, but my friend's son, as well, when they got in trouble. He said, "This is my house and my rules." I ended up having to stop watching my friend's son, and it took about 2 months for my daughter to listen to me again without having to call daddy for verification that I was "allowed" to enforce the rules...
101. When my son was about five years old he had a stomach virus and I apparently said that he had the stomach bug. So when he was finally able to return to school we were waiting out at the bus stop and he pointed to a bug on the ground and said, "Mommy is that the stomach bug?"
102. I once told my son pulling grass makes it sad and he very firmly told me that grass can't be sad, because it doesn't have feelings.
103. My son saw me taking medicine for heartburn and told his dad, "She has fire on her heart."
104. I asked my son where milk comes from he replied cows! I asked where does pizza come from? He yelled BOXES!!
105. My mother-in-law said she ate a whole bag of chips and my son wanted to know why she would eat the bag.
106. We were sitting in the car with my 10 year old boy. I was singing the song "Chandelier" and as I got to the chorus "I wanna swing from the..." He said thoughtfully, "That really isn't a good idea, Mama. It would break."
107. We were happily preparing for a visit from her beloved Auntie when I told my daughter that she needed to clean her room and get all the toys [picked] up from the floor. She picked up every single toy, stuffy, book, scrap of paper and Lego off of the floor and put them all on her bed!
108. I explained to my son how smoking is bad for your health and how both his great grandfathers died from it. Now every stranger he sees smoking he walks up to and tells them "You're going to die".
109. I told my son when he was two he could walk around naked for a few minutes and he literally walked around in a circle naked.
110. My son said, "Mum, why do we have to eat?" I replied, "So you can get big and strong." He looked straight at me and said, "Mum, you must be a mountain."
111. I told my son "don't let the bed bugs bite". He refused to sleep in his bed for days!!!
112. I thoughtlessly told [him] he was so cute I could eat him. He shouted at me that biting is naughty and he is Taylor he is not food. He also hates being called anything other than his name.
113. Me to my 2 year old granddaughter, "Emma, are you tired?"
Emma: "No, I'm not tired, I'm Emma!"
114. My daughter got called "Honey" by my friend. My daughter said, "I'm not honey. I'm Gabrielle."
115. I told my son to get out of the fridge that it was soon dinner time, he replied "I am not in the fridge I am just looking in it.
116. Our son was at is OT appointment and she had a picture of 3 dogs and asked how many there were. He said 3, then she covered 1 dog with her hand and asked again. He said 3 again.
117. I told my son to take a seat once.....he asked where?
118. When a little girl from daycare died in a car accident my 4 year old said, "Mom can you please drive to the North Pole, so I can tell Santa that Jazzy is in heaven now and she won't get the presents if he brings them to her house."
119. When he was about 4, I told him as we were getting out of the car after cracking jokes, "Alright, Smart-butt, out of the car." He gave me an odd look and said, "My butt isn't smart."
120. In winter the weather is... Outside.
121. I was frustrated and told my son to suck up his tears. He kept sucking in saying, "I can't get the tears to go back in mommy!"
122. When my son was one I told him not to tell Mommy no, so he did it in sign language.l
123. I said Tommylee its raining cats and dogs and bless him he literally looked for them.
124. My daughters look of fear on her face when I said to her, "sit here where the fan will get you" ..... Poor [girl], aww no Hun I mean reach you.
125. At age 6...."I caught Uncle Dave's frog in the throat???? Get it out! GET IT OUT!!!!"
126. My partner made me jump and I let off a scream followed by you made me poop myself you muppet... to which my then 4yr old decided to walk over sniff my bottom and very angrily called me a liar and sent me to thinking chair to think about my lying behaviour. .
127. My son had an itchy hand the other day. [He] took my hand to rub it against [his] a few times to itch it and said, "There mummy, I've given you the itch now!"
128. I said to him a few weeks back you're such a character to which he replied I'm not a character!
129. My son, 4, told me that cows can't have chocolate to make chocolate milk, because it will make them sick.
130. My favorite was when he was little and his first tooth fell out. I said, "WOW! Now put it under your pillow and the tooth fairy will come." He waited a few minutes and handed it back and said, "I don't want any fairies in my room." To this day he still just hands me his teeth when they come out!